I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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