shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
