how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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