Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Farmville is her only friend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
