Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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