I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
