Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
