i already hear my dad disowning me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
