Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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