My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
