He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
