Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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