i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
