Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
