I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
