He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
They took my balls.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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