i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
