those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
