I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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