she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
