hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
