smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
