i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Randomize
