i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
