I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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