you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's rum buckets o'clock
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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