i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
