I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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