If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's shark week go big or go home
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
