So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
