The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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