ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
