The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
