Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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