I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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