I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
