why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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