I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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