just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
