Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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