I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
