Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
