i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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