Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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