It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
