Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
