I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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