He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
