you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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