You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
